The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Stan Here

Somehow years ago I got in to Clint Eastwood movies.  I am not sure I even should admit this but he always had a way of phrasing things that sort of have stayed with me.  In fact in the movie mentioned I do not recall much in the good class, just the bad and the ugly. And there are some things about recent events here that sort of reside in the land of bad and I must report a few of those things now.

It is a long day when the people who administer treatments for cancer reach the point of telling you that options for treatment have run out, cancer is back and we do not even need a cat scan, "I can feel it in your neck". The car rides home on the way from such news are long ones and the reality of such meetings have what I might call of a "ugly" feel to them.  Gathering up the pieces, making the hospice arrangements and dealing with all the feeling that go along with that do not have many other words that fit much better than that.

Presently Deb's pain is under control.  To accomplish this though the effects of the medications have left her in sort of a groggy state and she can often drift off to sleep even when people and friends, babies and relatives and all of the stuff that have provided her with a lifetime of stimulation are very close by to her. Bluntly put, it is hard to watch.

In all of this though there are some parts that reside in the good category.  The hospice people that have been assigned to her case seem very capable.  She slept last night in her new hospital bed and it fits her body well and she had a good night of sleep.  The visits from her friends have been very thoughtful and kind and the expressions of love and help have been very touching to her.  The hospice person who was out here told her something interesting.  After he explained that a person had called his office and expressed the emotion of making sure they took good care of this patient he explained that the transition from a helper to a helpee was going to be harder than she might expect.

They are going to switch her pain meds from morphine to methadone.  This has to be a gradual switch due to withdrawal issues but it should be done over the next week or so. It seems that a period of life can be achieved where Deb can be functional and pain free.  And we hope this all works like it should.  We are going to attempt to attend a few Christmas things.  She really wants to go to the Christ Memorial Christmas concert and she wants real bad to hear Mieke sing on Christmas eve in her service.  So we are going to do everything possible to have that happen.

I think the job right now in  our lives is to do the best we can in living in the "good" and my bet is if we do so the bad and the ugly will again take their place on the very bottom of a well lived life.

Stan