The family glue

Hello All,

Mieke here...I feel that it is time to update. I am here with mom and Lorelei, both are sleeping. Mom is in the recliner and Lor is tucked in the hospital bed that has become a piece of furniture in the living room. Please excuse me as I allow a bit of emotion to come through this post, sometimes I just post facts, but today I'm feeling like I want to share my heart.

Mom is really sick. Some days she seems better and I get hopeful that this is the "new normal" and we can enjoy time together. I talk with her about all the stuff that I would normally share in the old days. About my recent shopping finds, how my friends are doing, how long Lor slept through the night. Then other days I come over to find her much sleepier and hardly able to respond to questions. Saying this journey has its ups and downs is a major understatement.

Earlier today Ross and Rumy left with dad for the airport. It was emotional for both to hug mom and say goodbye, hoping that this would not be the last time they would see her. Unfortunately, we just don't know. Our visit with them included good laughs, lots of time with all three kids (Ainsley, George, and Lorelei) and plenty of reminiscing about times we all wish we could go back to. It is hard to enjoy time together when mom is sick, because it turns out that moms are what hold a family together. They coordinate the meals, make beds, wrap the presents, make sure everyone is happy, and insist on ONE good family picture. When this person is not present or too weak to fulfill these needs, life just doesn't function like it should. My brothers, dad, and I try as hard as we can to keep up everything that is void because of mom's condition but...we don't even come close. Moms...know how much your family needs you and appreciates you even if they don't express it.

I am experiencing something that I'm sure many do when someone they love is close to death. I look around and see everything that reminds me of mom. I am fortunate to have spent much time with mom these past few years and as a result, my house, my yard, my classroom all have reminders everywhere I look. My headboard was painted by mom this summer after we picked up the old shutters from a house nearby, Lor's nursery doesn't contain a single picture/mirror/decoration that mom didn't have a part in, my classroom's bulletin board fabric was stapled in with care after mom insisted that we iron the 10+ yards or chevron to make them "perfect" for my 4th graders. I love that my life and surroundings have been so influenced by my mom, but I get a major heartache when I think about those memories and the coming absence of them in my life. Sometimes I go to bed and Aaron looks over and sees my crying (once again) and I express to him, "I'm just not ready to lose her". He always replies something like, "Meek, you're not ever going to lose her, you are your mother. You act like her, talk like her, sing like her, and raise our baby like she raised you." Thank goodness I have him to remind me of this important truth. My mom will always live on in me and in Ross and Alden.

I was cleaning up a bit in the kitchen today and something fell off the fridge. A wedding invite for mom's close friend's son. I picked it up and looked at the date, January 2. Uh oh. I brought it over to mom and asked her if she RSVPed she was going. Her face fell...yes, she had planned to go. No...she will not be able to make it today. Another life event that she was so excited for that she must miss. I'm not sure I will ever understand why my mom has to go through ovarian cancer and all the pain and heartache it brings...for now I will appreciate how strong she is and has taught me to be. I will try my best to take care of her and help dad as he deals with the loss of his life partner.

Please understand how hard it is to communicate back to everyone as they reach out to her. I try to read her texts to her and answer emails...but I don't always succeed with all avenues of communication. Please use this website to sign up for ways to help mom as needed. I just created a daily task of checking in around 2pm. Go to the calendar and click on the task to sign up.

https://my.lotsahelpinghands.com/community/debhoksbergen/home

Much love, Mieke