Special Moments

Stan Here:

One of the things that gets lost a bit with all the medical appointments, the up days and the down days of this cancer world, is the fact that with it comes some new experiences that show how people can be at their best.  We had one of those moments last night. Mieke was asked to give a speech at Hope related to their Relay for Life night.  The night had to do with fund-raising and walking in memory and support for cancer patients, survivors and victims.  She was a little nervous about it as there were quite a few people there and the content of what she had to say had an emotional  impact on her.  But she stood in front of the crowd and  delivered these words that I want to put in print for you.  With a sometimes trembling voice she spoke these words from the perspective of a caregiver.  The room was silent as she offered this speech.

Hello everyone, my name is Mieke Hoksbergen, a senior here at Hope College. 3 months ago, I knew very little about cancer and never thought I would be up here at Relay, speaking as a caregiver. This past August my mom went into the Dr. after 2 weeks of a slight stomach ache to see what was up. She came out with a diagnosis of cancer. Stage 3, Fallopian Tube cancer. I remember I was home when she got the call. The Dr. said, “Debbie, you have cancer, it’s really bad. You’re going to need big surgery. Get everyone you know to pray.” Her life, my life, and my entire families lives were forever changed. Since that day I have been beside my mom in every way that I know how. I have learned so many things about life, things that you sort of hope you will never have to learn, but also make you a better person because you know them.  One of the medical people told us that we had joined a club of which nobody would want to be a member.

            The day we found out, I started a blog for my mom, Deb’s Diary. This simple online diary connects everyone that knows and loves her to what is going on in her journey with cancer. For so many people, the blog has been an incredible way to keep informed, and keep everyone praying. My mom is a nurse, a great nurse at that, and worked every connection to get in quick to see Doctors and surgeons. She canceled her upcoming trip to Bulgaria to be at my brother’s wedding and a week later, we were sitting in a waiting room, anxious and hopeful to hear how surgery went. The surgeon came in the room staring at the floor. I remember him saying things like, “It’s a lot worse than we thought.” “It is spread to most of her organs and abdomen,” “We couldn’t take anything out, it is just too involved. Coating her organs like icing.” I couldn’t breathe and felt such a rush as thoughts came to my head about losing my mom to this awful disease. I went in to see her in the recovery room and I held her hand and cried. Cried that she has to go through so much pain, cried that I could lose my best friend, cried that she might not get to meet my kids or live life to the fullest, like she always has. Her incision went all the way down her stomach, over 18"  long.  She could hardly walk, or sit up. I couldn’t leave her side as she spent the week in the hospital. We spent a great deal of time holding hands and weeping. My brother actually had to make me leave after spending 3 sleepless nights in a row with her, providing every type of care that I possibly could. I didn’t want to go home, because it made me think about home without mom, and that really isn’t home at all. As a caregiver for someone with cancer, you have to learn to be humble, and do anything that they need. Yes, it will seem like everything they need is on the opposite side of the room that you are sitting, but good caregivers don’t question what their loved ones need. I made sure that her chap-stick was there beside her and ice chips were within reach at all times. These small things are what caregivers are needed for. The patient deals with the pain of a disease like cancer, and we do whatever we can to help them get through it while battling new emotions that are always changing, every day.

            There were so many decisions that had to be made in that next week. No offense to my dad, but he doesn’t do laundry, and really can’t cook. I needed to be there for my mom through this whole thing, and that meant not going back to live on campus for my senior year. I decided to cut down my class load, and live at home with my parents. I can be there for anything she needs at any time of the day or night. And, we can talk about wedding plans even more! I am there to help with house “stuff” and moral support for my mom and dad. It is hard to miss things like living with your friends, and it also hard to shave your mom’s hair. Basically, it is hard to watch someone you love fight to live their life. But God has been with us, lifting us up and guiding us through this journey.

I’m happy to say that treatment has gone better than we expected. My mom is here tonight, looking absolutely beautiful, rocking her adorable hat. She has chemo every Tuesday, we go together and stop on the way home for Wendy’s chili. When she was first diagnosed, her cancer count was 1,003. Last week, that same test was done; her count is down to 92.4!! Her treatments are working! She is being healed. Through everything, there are so many others who have helped too. Things like, visits, meals, cards, quilts, gifts, facebook messages, house cleanings, convertible rides and thousands and thousands of prayers. Hope College has been beyond flexible to allow me to take care of myself while caring for my mom. Everyone here can care for someone who is sick. A Hope student even brought us homemade porkchops on her day off. My mom often says, “People are just TOO nice.” There are countless ways for us all to take care of people who are battling cancer.

In my very first blog post I wrote, “She is my role model, best friend, and I can't do life without her. God will work in her and heal her.” I still believe this today. With help from the medical world, this disease CAN go away. With causes like Relay for Life, and research devoted to curing cancer, this disease HAS a better chance to go away. With caregivers who love their patients so much, this disease SHOULD go away. There are so many who deal with cancer, and it isn’t fair, because life shouldn’t be this hard. My mom is a strong woman. And I pray, this disease WILL go away. Thank you.

It was touching to see Mieke deliver this speech.  She turns 21 on Sunday and her dad is proud of her.   She has been a huge help in this entire event.