Chemo Day # 16 Big Flakes in GR

Hi Everyone, had chemo this am. Everything went smoothly. My platelets were low, 55 and the cut off was 50 so that was close. My dear friend Joan took me today. Thanks Joan, so good to spend the am with you. The best part about this crazy cancer is that it renewed our friendship, and that is so special. Thanks for the lunch at Shiraz Grille, a Persian Restaurant in GR. It was great. I had a cup of wonderful lemon chicken soup and humus. I would recommend it to anyone looking to try a new kind of place.

The best part about chemo today was the beautiful giant snow flakes that were coming down the whole time I was in the recliner. It stopped when we were leaving, and nothing here in Holland. Crazy, Stan called it reverse lake effect.

We have had a couple of very relaxing days. Sunday we attended church at 11am. It was a great service, Mieke sang a beautiful song with a quartet and Ross and Rumy accompanied.  I loved the song, and hope I can get a copy of it.....Hint Hint Ginger :) Ross and Rumy had a few other wonderful pieces that added to worship, and then a big thanks to Norm for hauling our the timpani for the last big hymn. I said to Mieke that am, " I sure hope they use the Timpani today, so she requested it, and Norm made it happen. It adds so much! Thanks to our pastor Jim for the great sermons.

I think I agree with Alden when he said, I think Mom, this was our best Christmas ever! I know it was on my mind, and I know it was on the mind of lots other family members we didn't know if we would be celebrating together this year. I don't know if it was because my priorities are now so different, but I didn't get stressed about anything. Little things don't seem important, I didn't have to have things wrapped perfectly etc. Good enough was good enough. We had my parents and my in-laws and an old friend from church join us for left overs after church. It was a great day. We watched lots of public television concerts that day.

Monday Stan had off work, we went out for breakfast with my Mom and Dad to Russ'. Ran into some friends who had some extra coupons, so we ate pretty cheap. The sunshine was amazing on Monday, clear skies all day. We did stop at Dittos store, because all clothes were a $1. Stan got 3 pair of jeans, he was so proud of himself. We mostly went for 100% wool skirts and pants for my mother-in-law. She makes the most beautiful braided wool rugs with them. She gives them to all the grand kids when they get married. I hope she teaches Mieke that art, so we can continue the tradition. Everyone else went home, just Stan and I left at home, I was kind of tired and spent most of the day on the couch watching movies. 

 I have to tell you about a very special gift Mary and Alden gave to me. Before I got sick, I found this beautiful paint color called "hydrangea blue" in a magazine. I had wanted to paint my kitchen that color, but figured it wasn't going to happen any time soon with all this happening. Well, I received a gallon of that color paint along with them saying they were going to paint our kitchen while we are gone for the week in Hawaii. It hit me emotionally and I cried, wasn't that special??  The other kids all gave us such wonderful, thoughtful gifts too and help with our Hawaii fund. We leave on Wed. Jan.18 at 5pm to attend my nephew's wedding in Kauai. We will be gone for a week. We bought the tickets last June for a great deal. I am so excited to be able to go. I will have chemo that Tues. and then miss the next week. Please pray that I feel good and have some energy for traveling?? We are flying with my parents out of Grand Rapids to LAX and then spending the night there and the rest of the trip the next day.

I thank everyone again for their Christmas cards and letters. I have them all hung up and I enjoy them all. I hope you all had a special time with family and friends. Our plan is to go up north for New Years. I love sitting by the fire with a good book. I would love to have a little snow up there too.........Deb

Merry Christmas Eve Everyone!!

I am sitting watching the Lions game with the family. I don't remember ever watching football on Christmas Eve before?? Is this something new? anyways, it is perfect for us this year  because we had our present exchange last night. Alden and Mary left today at noon to celebrate with her family in Traverse City. We are happy to have my parents with us this year. We are going to attend both services at church tonight.

I want to update you with the final days of the 12 Days of Christmas:

10th Day I received a CD with 10 beautiful Christmas Songs. Thanks Ashley, I love it, and I have been listening almost constantly to it! The artists are Avalon, Sara Groves, Mariah Carey, and the Bethlehen Children's Choir.

11th Day I received a cute cloth tote bag with lots of guess what on it?? You guessed it - doggies!! It you know Char, you know she has a real love for all dogs, especially her Newfie Lilley.  She also gave me something to warm my heart. It is a beautiful "MSU green" beach glass from the Carribean made into a necklace. Thanks Char, I love it. I will think of you fondly whenever I wear it!

12th Day was just delivered by Cami and her little girl Skyler. It is a dream come true, 12 different chocolates from the Holland Peanut Store. My favorite is the double dipped chocolate malt balls! I am sharing with my family and they are loving them too. Thanks so much Cami!!

I had a nice visit with a co-worker Camille and her kids on Thursday, they delivered a gift basket full of goodies. Thanks for coming over Camille, I miss working with you on nights.

I have been feeling pretty good today, yesterday was a different story, I had some nausea all day. Can't quite figure out why some days are better than others. My kids were wonderful with all the meal preparations last night, we had homemade pizzas done on the grill. They were wonderful!

It is now Christmas Day, and we enjoyed two beautiful church services last night. The marathon Christmas Story movie is on (all day) and we will go to one more service today at 11am. Have a great day everyone!

Cop out Christmas Card

Upon reading all the nice cards that have come to our house I feel a little guilty doing ours in this form but this year this is how I am going to do it due to the many things we are facing right now.  As you know for many years I (Stan) have enjoyed writing the annual Christmas letter, sticking it in an envelope, and sending out some sort of greeting.  This year the card is a little harder to write. It seems to me that the uncertainty that comes with all of the recent events can overwhelm a family and the normal energy is not hanging around as it relates to finding cards, envelopes and the like.  I did send a donation to the post office because I know they are hurting this year so given that "fact" please accept this offering as this years Christmas greeting.

I am going to choose not to write about the "c" word.  I think we have had enough of that and perhaps we and the people who read this have heard enough so let me go forward with some other things going on in our lives.  Some of this stuff has appeared in the blogs so please also pardon the redundancy.

Highlight of the year is the fact that Mieke and Aaron have agreed to be married.  I think the date is June 1.  I am kind of looking forward to this day as Aaron has become an accepted and loved person around here now for some time.  I have been a little surprised by the amount of work it is to plan one of these weddings. It seems to me that all of the decision are made and modified several times. I was not particularly aware that colors, cards, flowers, pictures, rings, bridesmaids, dresses, save the date cards, guest list, flower girls, caterers, wedding shoes and the like had as much thought behind them as they do.  I am learning a lesson about a world I did not know. I kind of remember showing up and at some point saying "I do"  and I was married.  I was going to invite the President but the Holland airport does not have a long enough runway.  So I think we will just stay with some relatives and friends and let the Pres watch it on TV.  He did that for the Kate and Harry event so it will be good enough for me.  It is nice that Aaron's parents have helped with some of the work related and are fun to work with.  Conrad and I are going to give a speech. They are coming over on Christmas eve so we will start to get those together. Then if it goes like all the rest of the stuff we will get together a couple of more times and change them.

Mieke is on the verge is getting her teaching degree. One more semester of student teaching and then I will bet that she lands the job of her choosing.  She seems to be connected and liked by the people she has worked with.  Of all of life's events Mieke's unquestioned pursuit of a career in this education field has been something to behold.  We have been happy with her education at Hope.  By the way, Hope has been very helpful in working with us to adjust Mieke's schedule so that she could have a lower profile in semester 1 this year. That way she could help Deb around here as she has needed the help recently.  Also I think the Hope bandit is about done.  I am not sure it is fair to call it that but somehow money is not hanging around here that long with Mieke at Hope.  One more semester! 

Ross is playing more for the GR Symphony.  They take care of him pretty well and they call him all the time.  He and Rumy are finishing their Doctoral degrees at MSU and I think they see the light at the end of the tunnel.  They found a piano which they needed for Rumy to teach her lessons and now is located in their house.  It was a stage Piano and it was really banged up so Grandpa and Grandma Vermeulen took on the project of restoring the piano. Now it shines and sits in their living room.  Rumy plays the instrument endless hours as the demands of performing at her level are quite large.  They are not sure where things are going after they get the degrees but at this point it would appear that they will not have a hard time finding work.  After lots of work Rumy got her green card to stay and work in the States this year.  Then they went to Bulgaria where they did a wedding ceremony with her family and friends.  Rumy's parents wanted to host a ceremony there for their only daughter.  Deb and I were supposed to go and we had the tickets. We had to cancel as the timing fell right at the time when Deb had her surgery. We do have a nice video of the event and their Bulgarian friends treated them very well during the three weeks they were there.

Alden and Mary have had a good year. Both with good years at work. Unfortunately, Mary lost both of her Grandparents on her mothers side this year. I think this was hard for her as she was close to them and will miss them. Being the proactive person that she is, Mary organized something for us that really helped us during this recent time. She set up a plan where people could sign up to bring meals as Deb recovered from the surgery and is going through the Chemo process.  I think she might have been worried that if this were left up to me disaster could occur.  As it worked out this was one of the largest helps we could ever have received.  Both Deb and I cannot thank people enough for what they did in this area.  We would generally get a meal every other night and make it last two days.  It turned out just right and very frankly taught us a bunch about how nice people are.  Kind of lifted the spirits in time they needed to be lifted.  Alden has turned into quite a fisherman and really enjoys this. Mary runs and really stays in good shape.  Their house fits lots of people and they have recently hosted 2 large gatherings with many family members present.  Again a big help in a time we cannot do that.

Deb and I used to not understand how people could morn a pet.  This year our little dog, Spencer reached the end of a life that was lived in a way that brought lots of joy to our family.  Deb and Mieke and Aaron made the dreaded last car ride to the vet and we spent a sad day or two recalling the 14 years of him being an almost perfect dog.  Now we do understand as this was not easy for any of us. We have decided to not get another dog.  We do not think we could do better plus we are seeing that at our age it is nice to not have to worry about provisions when we travel or are away from home for long hours. We do miss him though, sleeping quietly on the floor. 

I want to close with a couple of wishes.  Of course there is the wish that medical events of late will result in healing and restore life as we used to think as normal.   It seems as though people that go through what Deb is now moving through somehow define a "new normal".  Another wish is that we can learn from all of this and in some way pass on the kindness that we have experienced from so many friends and relatives.  If you get sick I promise to not bring over a meal but I will figure out something nice to do for you. It means so much as we have learned firsthand.  We make a wish that you and your family experience a fine Holiday Season.  Finally we pray and wish that the "new normal" becomes something that our family can endure and understand in a way that holds us together and provides the strength and understanding that only God can give.

Merry Christmas from  Stan, Deb, Ross, Rumy, Alden, Mary, Aaron, Mieke and the ghost of Spencer past.

Time for the Happy Dance again!!

Hi Everyone, well great news again, the CA-125 went down again to 48. It was 57  3wks ago. I am so happy, maybe next time it will be in the normal range of below 35??

This am I received my 9th Day of Christmas gift. It is a plate of cute little chocolate mice and more chocolate covered cherries. Thank you so much Mary L. They won't last long in this house. The face's are made with striped Hersey kisses, so cute!

I am feeling so much better now. Stan and I are meeting my parents and my mother's best friend tonight at the GRS for Cirque De Noel. Ross is playing tonight and the next two nights. It is aerialists flying overhead and stunning acrobatic feats being performed to classical and seasonal favorites. Can't wait!

I have been wearing my wig all day today, and doing better with it. I am wearing it maybe a little higher in the back and it feels better. Maybe because I feel better, I am not as irritated by it. Anyways, it is kind of nice not "looking sick" all the time. When you wear the hats, you just look like you have cancer.

I am looking forward to this weekend. Our kids are all going to be home on Friday for our gift exchange. My parents will be joining us too. Lots of church services, two on Sat. on one on Sunday. Ross, Rumy and Mieke will be active in all the services. I will be a proud Ma Ma.

I thank you for the continued prayers, they are so working. I also thank you all for the beautiful cards, I know I have been added to a few peoples Christmas list this year, and I love them! Stan has promised me that he is going to write a Christmas letter soon and post it here....Still waiting......

Chemo Day #15

Chemo went well today. Had exam with Dr. Harrison first. The exam was negative for feeling any tumors which is a good thing. I have not been feeling the abdominal pain lately which is also a good thing. This is what he said:
1- They did not give me the Avastin drug today. They will not give it until they decide if I will benefit from more surgery. It decreases the blood supply to the cancer tumors, and would decrease wound healing after surgery.
2- I will received chemo at least until at least the end of January.
3- I will be have a CT scan the end of January, and possibly a PET scan to visualize if there are tumors that could be removed (debulked)
4- I will meet Dr. Harrison's partner , Dr. Downey on Jan.9 , just to see if I may want to switch to see him in the future. Maybe our personalities may match a little better.

I received a prescription of Z-pack for my URI from my Primary care Dr., thank you Mary!! I think I am feeling better already!!!!!!

For the 8th Day of Christmas tonight I received the most beautiful 8 red carnations with Christmas Greens from Nikki H. Thank you so much Nikki, they are cheering me up already.

Thanks Nancy for being with me today at chemo, you are the best!

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow am a new woman..........

7th Day of Christmas

Chemo is a go for tomorrow. My lab work is OK. Stan is going to take me to my appt. My sister-in-law Nancy is going to meet me there, be there for my meeting with the Dr. and then take me home after chemo. It will be a long day. I am anxious to know what my CA-125 number will be?? Please pray it comes back in the normal range.

Last evening I received my 6th Day of Christmas gift basket from Sara T. It was full of goodies from J.P.'s coffee shop, a coffee mug, Bag of Holiday Blend Coffee, Gift card, biscotti and 2 Ghirardelli chocolates. Thanks so much Sara, I love it!

Tonight, Claudia brought over Dinner featuring Lucky #7. It included: 7 layer Salad, 7 layer dinner, 7-Up and 7 dipped cookies. Stan and I just finished dinner and it was wonderful! Thanks so much, it was so nice seeing you and catching up on what's going on with you and your family. Have fun at work tonight!

Tonight is the last of the many many meals that you all have delivered for the past 4 months. How can I express our sincere thanks for them all? It has meant so much to us. We feel that with the holidays coming up and the kids home a lot we will be just fine. People have asked if we will need more help with meals. I will say that if I have more major surgery in March than we will see at that time. It has been a tremendous help to not have to shop and prepare meals. They have all been so delicious, please know how much it meant to us.  Deb and Stan

Go Tell It on the Mountain

Hi, I have this song running through my head because we sang it in church and the little kids sang it too. Mieke leads a group of kids and they sang a couple of songs and did a little Christmas pageant and readers theater. The kids dressed up as angels, shepherds and different animals.......so cute! Aaron helps her with the kids and I am so proud of them both.

We had a wonderful time with my families Christmas party last night. It was in Rockford at my brother Ken's house. We had a lot of fun eating, stealing gifts away from each other at the gift exchange game, played "Christmas Jeopardy", and a wonderful tradition we have started of going around in the circle and everyone giving a quick update on what is happening with their life. Stan and I commented how quickly the kids grow and now our nieces and nephews are married with their own kids. We have so much to be thankful for this season.

My 5th Day of Christmas gifts were waiting for me on the porch when we arrived home last night. Gifts inspired  by Hawaii!! I guess my BBC friends remembered that we bought tickets to go to my nephews wedding in Jan. prior to my cancer diagnosis. We are still hoping and praying that it all works out to go. Looking forward to that trip is one main thing that is getting me through this chemo journey. So thanks Shelly for the 5 "Hawaii Inspired Gifts": some blue nail polish (she says she had a pt this week who had pretty blue toe nails), a Yankee candle called Beach Party, some aqua blue Sea Mineral hand soap, tropical coconut body wash and a framed print of a white sandy beach, aqua blue ocean and sky and tiki huts (which I will be sitting under 'cause they tell me I can't be in the sun). This is too fun!

Yesterday I had lots of visits from friends. Nancy M. is a nurse that I used to work with. She brought over 3 cute Christmas ornaments that are on the tree. Thanks Nancy, so good to see you and catch up on how life as a traveling nurse is going. I wish you the best in Arizona.

Thanks Karen for the toffee bars, they are so good. Jackie has been keeping me supplied with cappuccino filled Irish coffee mugs to give as hostess and other gifts. Thanks so much!

Tomorrow am I get my lab work done at Holland Hospital and find out in the afternoon whether chemo is in the cards or not. Thanks everyone for the ideas to help with the mouth sores. Libby is sending me some stuff that really helped her. Thanks Lib!

Some people have asked for my email address to write me directly. It is deb.hoksbergen@gmail.com     I look forward to hearing from people and writing you back. I have wanted to respond to many of the comments on the blog, but I didn't know how to do that. If you email me, I will be able to do that. This little red laptop has been my friend and companion through this journey too.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Finally some snow on the ground! and a few flurries. I love it! Feeling about the same. I continue to need a Kleenex box where ever I go. I have those sores on my tongue again which is not fun. They look like red blisters on the sides. I have to remember to stay away from salsa! ouch........    We had a good time at some friends from church last night. Even wore some makeup and a wig all night. My eyebrows and eye lashes are getting very thin, so I figure I might as well enjoy them while I still have a few.

Thursday night at the Christmas Pops concert was wonderful. I felt pretty good all night, couldn't sing very well with the sing a long or the Hallelujah Chorus, but it was still fun. Went over to my Aunt Margie's with my Mom and Dad for some Christmas cookies and coffee afterward. Her house looked great all decorated for Christmas. My Mom delivered a gold glittery Christmas ornament from a friend of hers. It is of a butterfly, and she wrote, "A Butterfly gives flight and Joy". Thanks so much Louise and Bill. It is on my tree and I love it.

Yesterday for the 4th Day of Christmas, I got a package with 4 soft cozy Christmas socks. The card was signed by the BBC gang. Thanks whoever delivered it! I wore a pair to bed last night! This is too fun anticipating what's next.......

I also received another surprise package from my friend Vickie. Four beautiful Lenox Christmas plates to complete a set I had started. Thanks so much Vickie, you are too kind. Now everyone in the family gets to have a "real" plate on Christmas Eve. I keep my dining room table set with the Christmas plates all month.

My friend Lori came over to visit and brought over a big plate of thumb print Christmas cookies. Thanks for sharing a tradition you had with your Mom.

Stan came home from work with a beautiful Poinsettia plant from Tim and Marge. Thanks so much for thinking of me. I love it!  I think I also forgot to mention a couple of gift cards I got the other day from Dave and Shannan and the gang at TMI where Stan works. The cards are to Panera Bread and Bigbee Coffee. They will be enjoyed!

I am so thankful to be around this Christmas. We often talk about how after the surgery, we didn't even know if I would make it till Christmas. Well, I am here, enjoying the season, my family and friends, so thankful for the successful treatment to the chemo, and I plan to be here for many, many more.

Rainy Thursday

Well, I need to keep you up on my fun gifts from my BBC gang for the 12 Days of Christmas.
Day #2 was two jars of home made raspberry jam          Thanks Karen K.   It's our favorite!
Day #3 was three  Christmas bells on a lighted glass block      Thanks Susan    I love it!  It looks so cute!

I wish to tell you that I was feeling great these past days, but I am continuing to feel run down. I have "stayed home, resting on the couch" for long enough. It has not worked, so I am going to do the opposite. I am going out tonight to the symphony. It is the Holiday Christmas Pops and I need to get in the mood. I am going to take a Vicodin and a cold tablet and I should be good to go. I will let you know how it goes.

Thanks to Barb H. for the white chicken chile and the great Christmas cookies. We are enjoying it all!

Today was the first of the 4 free house cleanings from "Clean for a Reason". What a nice service this is. She was here for 2 1/2 hrs. and was very thorough. She will be back next month.

I just got a book delivered from Barnes and Noble. It is from my sister Krista, she warned me it was coming. I am so excited. It is the book "One Thousand Gifts"..  It is the book my niece Libby has mentioned in her blog. I am so glad I now get to read it, it looks wonderful.

Mieke is finished with her semester at Hope. She is all ready to start student teaching next semester in Zeeland - 4th grade. I miss her already thinking about her living back with her friends at Hope. But, I am so thankful that I have had her here with us this past semester. She says she will be so busy she won't be around much anyways............. :(

Chemo Day # 14

Just a quick update to let you know that I had chemo today. Everything went well and I was only there 2 1/4 hrs. Yeh!! Thanks Karen K. for taking me. It was so fun catching up with you, thanks for the chocolate bark and the Zoup bowl of soup.

I woke up this am and felt much better than I have been feeling. My throat didn't hurt as bad and I had more energy. Thanks goodness!! I am really ready to feel better. My labs today were OK, my Hgb was up a bit, but my WBC is kind of low, so they are thinking I may not be able to have chemo next week. So........I will have my CBC with diff done next Monday, and they will tell me what the decision will be. It's kind of like my week of Thanksgiving, if I have to have a week off, not bad to have Christmas off.

Thanks so much to Anna and Norm who brought over a wonderful dinner last night. It was delicious. Loved the Christmas cookies too. My favorite baker Gorgeous Gayle delivered the best  apple bread with caramel and nuts on the top. Too Good!

Jackie made up the cutest Irish coffee mugs with Cappuccino Mix in them for me to give out for Christmas gifts this year. I gave my chemo nurses a couple today. They loved them. Thanks so much Jackie for doing this!!

I found out today that Rainbow International, a cleaning service in town is offering me 4 free cleanings of our house. This is a service that they offer through the American Cancer Society. So nice!! That is starting on Thursday.

I had a fun surprise visit from Amy a co-worker of mine from the Boven Birth Center tonight. She brought me the cutest hand stitched star on a little wooden stand. The card with it said the following:
        Your twelve days of Christmas
            has now officially begun.
   BBC will be bringing you daily gifts
                -not just one.

        On the first day of Christmas
             BBC brings this star
              to let you know
      we so appreciate who you are!

What fun!!   I would love to share with you what comes next. I loved visiting with Amy and catching up with her. We first met 22 yrs. ago when I helped start a ministry at Beechwood Church called "Beacon Ministry". Amy was working as a nurse at the Migrant Health Center at that time. She and the other nurses there saw a real need to help supply maternity clothes, cribs, car seats, and newborn supplies to the large migrant population we have here in Holland. Jackie DeGroot and I met with Good Samaritan Center and they told us they hoped a church on the northside of Holland would feel called to meet this need. And the rest, as they say, is history, for 22 yrs. we have helped thousands of families. It is probably one of the things I am most proud of.

Stan's brother Roland had surgery in GR today to have his other ankle fused. He had his first one done this past summer with good results. The pain was getting very bad and he decided it was time to do the Rt. one. Just talked with him and so far so good. Not experiencing too much pain yet. Please say a prayer for healing and an uneventful recovery period. We will be having the Hoksbergen Christmas get together the week between Christmas and New Years when Roland will be a bit more mobile.

Great Family Day!!

We were all together to celebrate 3 birthdays today. Alden and Aaron's was yesterday and Mary's is tomorrow. We took our Christmas Card picture in front of our tree which you see above. We were all together in church this am. Stan picked up his girlfriend for church today (96 yr. old Ruth). He has had lots of "girlfriends" since he taught this senior Sunday school class years ago. She was happy to be there and people were thrilled to see her again.

Wish I could say I am better from this cold, but still not over it. I think I did have more energy today, or at least I was diverted from sitting on the couch by having the kids over for dinner. Stan is loving the new grill the kids gave him for his birthday. If you want a good suggestion for  a Christmas gift ask us for details. How about those Lions today??


Friday night Stan enjoyed seeing many friends at our neighbors Phil and Martha's Christmas Open House. I stayed home trying to "get over this virus" and he was kind enough to bring me a plate of goodies home. Thanks so much for hosting this nice event.

Loved a visit from my friend Joan Sat. who brought over the most delicious bruschetta and dessert. What a treat, we need that recipe.

Just had a surprise visit from David Blauw, friend and chaplain at Holland Hospital. He brought along a gift from Barb his wife. Thanks so much Barb, I love my angel decoration that you stitched for me, it is on my "angel" table. I can't have enough of them surrounding me these days. David, I'll take another one of those homemade pizzas any day!

People have been asking me when chemo will be this week because of the change to Thursday last week. The plan is to resume with Tuesdays again.

The line out of Jesus Calling from yesterday has been sticking with me.........."Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy."  My niece Libby talked a lot about that word "joy" in her recent blog. Choose joy. Joy was the word in church today for Advent. I am joyful when I think about how much I have to be thankful for including you for caring enough to read this blog.
Deb

Chemo Day #13 Thursday for a change

Hi Everyone, You know I am feeling better, it's the first time in a while I even had the gumption to write anything. I am sitting in my recliner getting chemo. Thanks to Laurie, (Aaron's mom) and my friend who took me today. We have lots of fun talking about our kids, the wedding and dreaming about our future grandkids. Laurie is so good at keeping me stocked with vitamins, iron, cold meds etc. I do so appreciate this.

My chemo nurses told me today that I look SO MUCH better today than I did on Tues. So it is a good thing we waited, and I got the unit of blood yesterday. That went very well at Holland Hospital in the ambulatory care unit. I was there for about 3 1/2 hrs. They took good care of me, even fed me a lunch tray. It is a strange thing getting blood for the first time in ones life. I have administered it to patients so many times, but this time it was for me. I always used to donate blood, and now I am glad someone gave me some of theirs.

I am now continuing this writing at home on the couch. It is a beautiful clear day, and I am thankful for the sunshine. There were a few snow flurries for a minute we saw out the window at chemo. I have canceled almost all my plans for the next week. I am going to really try and get over this cold, so I can enjoy Christmas.

We also made a big decision regarding Friday night. Ross and Rumy have decided to postpone walking for their graduation until spring. They had decided to move it up to December just for me, to make sure I was able to see them graduate with their DMA (doctor of music arts) degrees. Because I am not feeling well, have this cough and limited energy, we are going to look forward to that event on May 4. Ross said the speaker will be better at that graduation event. I was looking forward to this, but it will be very special in May, because they will really be ALL DONE!!

I need to catch up on a few thank yous since I last blogged. My friend Marcia brought dinner over last Wed. Stan was not going to be home until later that night, so I asked if she wanted to stay and eat with me. It was quite a sight, a couple of "baldies" enjoying dinner together. I love my Woof Poof angel Marcia, she joins the angel collection set out for Christmas.

Thanks to Candy for dinner last Friday, it was wonderful. Mieke made some muffins and brought them over to our new neighbors two doors down. We will miss Jim and Lori who built a new house on the north side. We moved in within 2 days of each other 23 yrs ago. We raised our kids together, attended their weddings, births of grandkids, hundreds of three mile walks, mission trips to Europe, snowmobile weekends, the list goes on and on. We will still be friends, just not two doors down :(

Karen thanks for the DeBoer bread and cookies. You are a great friend, thanks for keeping tabs on me.
A huge thank you to Judy for the generous gift certificate to Crazy Horse. We will love using it!

Sunday, I finally had to get off the couch to attend church where Ross and Rumy were worship leaders. So enjoyed having them use their talents to enhance our worship. We enjoyed a wonderful breakfast after church at The Biscuit, a gift of the owners. Thanks so much Tracy!

Dave and Nancy brought over an amazing dinner Sunday evening. The brisket was wonderful, thanks so much. Turns out we were both going to Vespers at 5pm that night. Thanks Jane for my ticket, it always gets me into the Christmas spirit attending that service. I could have enjoyed it more if I felt better, and I had to fight off a coughing jag, but I made it through. Thanks Vickie for bringing over the raspberry sherbet and the candy cane to help get the metallic taste out of my mouth, you are so sweet.

Monday I was signed up for a Cancer Society session "Look Better, Feel Better". I felt so awful, I thought about canceling, but, then thought maybe I would feel better, if I looked better. They give you this bag full of make up and teach you how to use scarves and hats. I did look a little better with some make up on, but I sure still felt lousy. When I got home, there was a gift bag from Deb B. In it was the cutest pink knit cap and also a little Christmas ornament, a white sweater with a teal (ovarian cancer) ribbon on it. Thanks Deb, it is on my tree!


Thanks Mary Lou for the chicken tetrazzini and the talk.

I feel like I am wearing out my leather love seat sitting on it so much.
I did finish a book given to me by David Blau, the caplain at Holland Hospital. It is entitled The Anatomy of Hope, How People Prevail in the Face of Illness. It was written by an oncologist about patients he has treated and how hope and emotional outlook affects a pts prognosis. I do believe this.

I thank everyone for their kind comments and support during this "sick time". I covet your prayers. I really want to get over this virus. I believe I am on the rise. Looking forward to the kids all coming home Sunday. Alden and Aaron both have birthdays on Sat. and then Mary's is Monday!

What the blog does say....

What the blog does say....Mom's numbers of cancer are continually decreasing every time she has the CA-125 test taken.
What the blog doesn't say....Mom is extremely sick.

It has been a very hard couple of weeks around here. I have NEVER seen mom this sick in my life. She developed a cold after Thanksgiving and since then her energy has been very low. She really hasn't left the couch much in days. I've been explaining it to people like that first day of a cold when you feel like your head is going to explode, your nose won't stop running, your throat is killing, your body aches....this is what it has been for her for over a week.

She went in to have chemo today and her hemoglobin was too low. They weren't able to administer the drugs with her body in this condition. She needs to have a blood transfusion tomorrow morning. I really hope that this does something to help her get better because I won't lie, it has been very scary to see her like this. Please say a prayer that she can shake this cold. It needs to go away!

I love that my mom keeps people updated with all of the good news from her treatments but right now I think it is important that people know how sick she is because we can feel when prayers are being lifted up for her and she needs that right now. Thanks everyone.

Love, Mieke

Time for the HAPPY DANCE!!

Hi, as promised, I heard from my Dr's office and I said I would fill you in on the results. My CA-125 cancer antigen test came back at 57!!!! My last count was 92.4   It was originally 1003.  Normal is 35 or below. I am very happy and I thank you all for your many prayers. The Lord is listening to our requests.  What a beautiful sunny day here in Holland. I am sorry for those you are shoveling snow (Ross). It has not hit us yet.......

Some pics

Chemo #12 with some future info

Hi, Deb here. I had my big day of chemo today, having all three chemo drugs. I was there for 5 1/2 hrs. With the oral Benadryl and the cold medicine I took, it really knocked me out and I slept more today. My WBC, Hgb and platlets all went up a bit so my week off really helped my body shape up a bit. My Hgb is 9, so I am still tired. My CA-125 test results will come in tomorrow, so stay tuned for those results, I will post them when I get the call. Please pray they continue to go down. It was 92.4 last time, my radio station .

I don't know what happened to my Dr. today, but he actually told me what might happen. Something he before, was not big on doing. He told me that there is a high probability that I would have more surgery in March. It would all depend on what the CT scan shows is January. The reason I could not have the surgery sooner, is I need to be off the Avastin chemo drug for a couple of months. It decreases the blood supply to the tumor areas to decrease their growth and it would therefore not be good for wound healing after surgery. That made sense to me, and I appreciated him giving me his thoughts. March would be good timing with Mieke's wedding being June 1, I would have time to heal and get ready to put on my dancing shoes for the big event. He also said that there is a good chance I would continue having chemo through March. All depends on the CA-125 results.

Kind of mixed emotions when it comes to having that big surgery again. First, I now know what to expect, and therefore will not have the anxiety that comes along with fear of the unknown. Second, hopefully they will be able to remove some stuff this time, (hopefully about 20 lbs worth). That would really make me happy before the wedding. I would "rock" (as Mieke would say) in my new purple dress.
Third, by hopefully removing some of the tumors this time it would make the recovery a bit easier to take because at least something good would come out of it. This time, I felt what a lot of effort for nothing. When the Dr. said, I never would have done the surgery had the CT shown all the involvement in the upper abdomen. I would have just started you on chemo. It did make me a little "soured".

Can you tell I feel pretty good after my big chemo day with the Decadron steroid they give me?? It definitely makes me a bit hyper and takes my abd. pain away. I am not usually this wordy.

I need to thank Laurie again for taking me to chemo today. Mieke is lucky to have you for a future mother-in-law. Thanks to my sister Kris for wrapping a bunch of Christmas gifts for me and doing lots of other needed projects around here. I love you too Kris!!, have a safe trip home to Tulsa.
Thanks to my niece Libby who gave me my little Willow Tree Demdaco Angel entitled "Good Health". I love her and she is on my angel table with all my Christmas Angels. Libby is a cancer survivor this past year and knows we all need angels and miracles to surround us.
So fun to come home today to a bag of Christmas chocolate bark from Lori R. You are too kind, it's soooo good.  For all you guys who text, facebook, call with well wishes on chemo day, thanks. It helps so much knowing you are all thinking and with me on those days.

Pictures will be coming of our weekend. Need Mieke's help (I told you I am not too tech savey).

I am excited about all the fun events I have on the calendar this month. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!! I can't go to enough Christmas concerts, parties, lunches etc. Bring 'em on baby.
I have decided I am definitely going into the wig shop and see what they can do to make my wig more comfortable. I am sick of looking sick. At least that is how I feel tonight, I may feel totally indifferent tomorrow...............

I love the comments on the blog. Dianne, I will listen to my body and rest occasionally. Linda, I had to laugh about your Griswald Christmas Tree. We will definitely come see it. Dave, I love your style!!

p.s. If you have meal dishes here, please stop by and sort out which are yours. I would return them, but I did not do a good job of remembering whose is whose. I was just totally enjoying the good food in them. Thanks so much!! Deb

Green Bay and a Good Day

Stan here:  

Well, we went to the pro game on Thanksgiving. I do not think anybody really expected the Lions to win and they did not.  For a little while it looked like they might be even but after a while you could tell who was the better team, so I think the Lions need to wait a little while before  it's their day. It was fun though.  Deb's brother Jim and his wife Nancy really worked hard to get all the tickets and put on a really fun day.  I think in all 28 of us went to the game and getting that many tickets must have been a lot of work.  Then I think we had 43 of us at the Thanksgiving turkey dinner.  And for Nancy and others that was a bunch of work. So it was hard not to have a good time regardless of the score of the game.It's was so exciting when our niece Alissa and her boyfriend Ramundo surprised everyone by flying in from Chile. It was so fun to spend time with them.

Deb had some trouble with her energy level all weekend but she did manage to make it to the game and then through the rest of the day. She had a sty in her one eye and I'm sure this is from her poor immune system.  As reported earlier some of her counts are down and she has had some tougher days in row.  But through all this she has made it to some big events which included a large dinner on Saturday at Alden and Mary's house with the Hoksbergen side of the family and then a nice birthday celebration for Ross (for his 30th) at our house. His birthday is actually the 28th but we celebrated a day earlier to accommodate work plans etc.  It all worked out to be a busy weekend.  Now today I think Deb is paying a bit of price as someplace along the line she has picked up a cold.  She resumes Chemo on Tuesday so we hope to get back on target with normal plans and start feeling better soon after that. 

Thanks to Jane for the wonderful dinner on Sunday night.

Hi, this is from Deb. My sister came last night to spend the day with me before she heads back to Tulsa. She went with me to have my blood drawn today at the hospital. Then the best part was she and Mieke helped make my house ready for Christmas. All the decorations are up and it feels so good to have that done already so I can enjoy it for the whole month. Aaron's mom Laurie is going to take me to chemo tomorrow, we can talk "wedding". It is kind of crazy to think it was 30 yrs. ago that we had Ross. I remember being on "cloud 9" for about a year after he was born. After going home empty handed with the two previous pregnancies, it took a while for it to sink in that we really had a healthy son. We love you Ross.

Day off from Chemo (should have been #12)

Hi All, thanks Stan for doing the update last night. A few days ago, I wrote that I thought they forgot to put the chemo drugs in my last batch, well, guess what, it has caught up with me. I can hardly get up off the couch. I am really dragging, and I don't like it. My brain wants to go, but my body says no. My White blood count is down to 2.4, my Hemaglobin is down to 8.5 and my platelets are 72,000. The platelets did go up a little. I will have my big chemo day next week. I asked her if that means I will go longer into Jan. with my treatments. Amber (the chemo nurse) says that they will check my CA-125 on Dec. 20. If I am not in the normal range at that time, I will have 3 more treatments.   If I am in the normal range, they will do a CT scan the first week of Jan. and see what I look like inside.

So at least I know the plan now. I am really kind of glad to have today off. I really need to regain a little strength so I can walk into that Lions Game on Thursday. There are over 20 of us going to the game, and then I think we will have 41 for dinner back at my brother and sister-in-laws house in Plymouth. I am so excited to see everyone. People are coming in from all over the country, OK, VA, KY, WI, MI,IL...

I am having some new chemo side effects. My tongue is VERY sensitive and has some blisters on it. I cannot eat vinaigrette dressing any more. It feels like it is eating away at my tongue. Also, certain spices really burn. I realized that when I was eating with some friends. I was dying and sucking on ice, and I asked if anyone else thought the pizza was really spicy. They said no, so then the light bulb went off...It's my tongue, a "rapidly replicating cell" type area that the chemo is attacking. I also, really can't taste anything. Pretty much everything tastes like cardboard or metal. I certainly won't be enjoying the TASTE of the turkey this year, but I will be enjoying the company.

Thanks Sandy for dinner last night. I know Stan wrote it last night, but I want to also tell everyone that I am so thankful for all your expressions of love and support since this whole journey began. I do appreciate and read every email, facebook message and comments on the blog. I am blown away by the cards I still seem to get most days. I feel loved and I know that prayers are going up on my behalf, and being answered. I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!!

Living for Thanksgiving

Stan Here:
It has been a while since I have had the chance to write.   Deb asked me to post tonight so I hope I have all the facts right.  We always try to post the good stuff but most times when I do the writing it means that we had a little tougher day.  Many of you know that Tuesday around here is Chemo day and for the first time since this all started some of the blood counts were too low to get the chemo treatment on Tuesday.  We are told that this is not all that unusual but still with the low counts comes some "tired all the time" problems.  She did go out with some friends tonight but I think she had to force herself out the door.  They go out once a month on Monday and I do not think she wanted to miss it. It falls in the category of doing all you can do every day.

I was North this weekend sitting in the woods. I no longer call it deer hunting as it has been some years since the deer have been threatened.  I had some other stuff to do up there to close the place for the winter so I did not sit out there very long.  While I was gone some nice stuff took place on Sunday.  Ross and Rumy played again at our church.  I think they are scheduled three more times before the end of year.  Our friends Ken and Joan came to see them. Mieke leads a kids singing group and they also sang at this service.  I heard it all went well and now I am sorry I missed it.  Then in the afternoon Ross had a performance with the GRS at Central Reformed in GR.  Ross played his Piccolo trumpet for this and Deb attended this as well.  I think it has been about as long as I can remember that Deb missed a concert and that has remained true in all the recent times.

Thanks also to Gary and Deb who brought over a nice taco bar yesterday and then three nice ice cream selections tonight. 

Shortly after Deb was diagnosed this summer she thought of some things she would really like to do in the event this disease did not allow her to enjoy things for a long period of time. One of those ideas was to attend a pro football game on Thanksgiving day.  So she and many of our family bought tickets to the Lions-Packers game.  This was before anybody even knew that the Lions were better this year than usual. Now I do not think you could even buy a ticket, but we have them and we are going and then afterwords having the traditional dinner at Jim and Nancy's.  Look for us at the game.  If the Lion's could pull out a victory that would be something.  It still should be a fun day no matter what the outcome.

Thanksgiving for me has always been my favorite Holiday.  It is kind of different this year.  We have plenty of worries and uncertainty while at the same time lots to give thanks for.  Thanks for all of your prayers, gifts and support.  They have made a big difference in our lives.  I gotta tell you that there was a time after the surgery that I gave some thought to the possibility that Deb would never make it to the game on Thanksgiving and now it looks like it is going to happen.  Lots to give thanks for around here.

Having a great week so far

I wanted to let everyone know that I am feeling so good this week, I think they forgot to put any chemo drugs in the bag on Tues. What do you think?? Is that possible?? I have been able to get out and do lots of fun things. My Mom, Jackie and I did some Thrift store shopping on Wed. Love those 1/2 off deals on senior citizen day on Wed. We took her to lunch at Cafe 58 at the City on a Hill (the old Zeeland Hospital). We love the chicken fajita wraps there.

Thanks Jill for the dinner on Wed., loved it. Also, thanks for the candle from Spring Sweet- love that store!!

Thurs. Mieke and I did a little wedding stuff, went to the Grandville Mall. We had a tasting with a caterer. At night my co-worker Nikki was kind enough to pick me up to attend a 31 Party at another nurse friends new house in Jenison. Emily, your place is wonderful, and so was your cheesecake. I wish you the best with your wedding next month! Got a start on some Christmas shopping at the party. I had never been to one of these home parties, but it has nice stuff, bags, purses, etc. It was so fun to see so many of my co-workers there who I have not seen in a while.

Today, I ventured out with my "long" wig. One of the free ones I got from the Heights Salon. They "loaned" me two wigs through a program with the Cancer Society. All they asked is that you return them when you are finished with them. This one was brand new, it still had the tags on it. It is more comfortable than my "normal" looking one, so I wore it to coffee with friends at Good Earth, than lunch at City View, and than a Christmas Open House at Dorie's.  I have not had a wig on that long EVER. Mieke said, You had better tell people how good you are feeling on the blog, so that is what I am doing. I think all the prayers are so helping me keep going, living my life and enjoying every day to the fullest!  Tonight I am attending the Holland Christian play Bye, Bye Birdie. My "former" hairdresser Kim brought over dinner this am, plus she was kind enough to bring her little Yorkie Macy over for a visit too. Kim's first Yorkie is the reason we got Spencer. I said, I could handle a little cute dog like that. Thanks Kim for your kindness, since I have not had a reason to get my hair cut for quit some time now, we were missing catching up on "life". Kim's daughter is in the pit orchestra tonight. I am looking so forward to it.

My dear friend Joan stopped over for tea this afternoon with a Christmas goodie basket of wonderful chocolates. So good to talk with you!! They are going to come to church Sunday to hear Ross and Rumy.

Stan headed back up north to hunt more "antlers". Wish him luck.

Sara S., good night, hope you had a great day at work. It was good to see you the other night. I will now picture you reading this before you go to bed. :)   Deb

Chemo Day # 11 Deer Hunter Widows

Hi, Deb writing tonight. Stan is up north hunting antlers. He saw lots of deer, no antlers. He said they are having a great time.

Chemo went well today, just about didn't get it again, because my platelets are down to 65. They want me to get my blood drawn next Monday in Holland to check what my platelet count is, because if it does not go up they will cancel my chemo next week and give my body a week to build them up a bit. I really would not mind a week off so I can feel better for Thanksgiving and the Lions Packers game!

My hemaglobin count is down to 8.9 which is why I am feeling so tired. Thanks to my friend Deb who took me to chemo. My Mom came from Plymouth toward the end of chemo and we all went out to lunch with my Aunt Margie too. My Mom and I have husbands up north so we had a nice afternoon doing a little shopping in downtown Holland. I just sat down and rested whenever I saw a chair. The weather was so beautiful and mild today!

I need to thank Jan and Phil for dinner on Sunday, it was great! David brought over his famous homemade pizza for Monday, and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Naomi thanks for the muffins, need that recipe. Good catching up.

I thank everyone for the nice comments about Mieke's speech. We are so proud of her.

Special Moments

Stan Here:

One of the things that gets lost a bit with all the medical appointments, the up days and the down days of this cancer world, is the fact that with it comes some new experiences that show how people can be at their best.  We had one of those moments last night. Mieke was asked to give a speech at Hope related to their Relay for Life night.  The night had to do with fund-raising and walking in memory and support for cancer patients, survivors and victims.  She was a little nervous about it as there were quite a few people there and the content of what she had to say had an emotional  impact on her.  But she stood in front of the crowd and  delivered these words that I want to put in print for you.  With a sometimes trembling voice she spoke these words from the perspective of a caregiver.  The room was silent as she offered this speech.

Hello everyone, my name is Mieke Hoksbergen, a senior here at Hope College. 3 months ago, I knew very little about cancer and never thought I would be up here at Relay, speaking as a caregiver. This past August my mom went into the Dr. after 2 weeks of a slight stomach ache to see what was up. She came out with a diagnosis of cancer. Stage 3, Fallopian Tube cancer. I remember I was home when she got the call. The Dr. said, “Debbie, you have cancer, it’s really bad. You’re going to need big surgery. Get everyone you know to pray.” Her life, my life, and my entire families lives were forever changed. Since that day I have been beside my mom in every way that I know how. I have learned so many things about life, things that you sort of hope you will never have to learn, but also make you a better person because you know them.  One of the medical people told us that we had joined a club of which nobody would want to be a member.

            The day we found out, I started a blog for my mom, Deb’s Diary. This simple online diary connects everyone that knows and loves her to what is going on in her journey with cancer. For so many people, the blog has been an incredible way to keep informed, and keep everyone praying. My mom is a nurse, a great nurse at that, and worked every connection to get in quick to see Doctors and surgeons. She canceled her upcoming trip to Bulgaria to be at my brother’s wedding and a week later, we were sitting in a waiting room, anxious and hopeful to hear how surgery went. The surgeon came in the room staring at the floor. I remember him saying things like, “It’s a lot worse than we thought.” “It is spread to most of her organs and abdomen,” “We couldn’t take anything out, it is just too involved. Coating her organs like icing.” I couldn’t breathe and felt such a rush as thoughts came to my head about losing my mom to this awful disease. I went in to see her in the recovery room and I held her hand and cried. Cried that she has to go through so much pain, cried that I could lose my best friend, cried that she might not get to meet my kids or live life to the fullest, like she always has. Her incision went all the way down her stomach, over 18"  long.  She could hardly walk, or sit up. I couldn’t leave her side as she spent the week in the hospital. We spent a great deal of time holding hands and weeping. My brother actually had to make me leave after spending 3 sleepless nights in a row with her, providing every type of care that I possibly could. I didn’t want to go home, because it made me think about home without mom, and that really isn’t home at all. As a caregiver for someone with cancer, you have to learn to be humble, and do anything that they need. Yes, it will seem like everything they need is on the opposite side of the room that you are sitting, but good caregivers don’t question what their loved ones need. I made sure that her chap-stick was there beside her and ice chips were within reach at all times. These small things are what caregivers are needed for. The patient deals with the pain of a disease like cancer, and we do whatever we can to help them get through it while battling new emotions that are always changing, every day.

            There were so many decisions that had to be made in that next week. No offense to my dad, but he doesn’t do laundry, and really can’t cook. I needed to be there for my mom through this whole thing, and that meant not going back to live on campus for my senior year. I decided to cut down my class load, and live at home with my parents. I can be there for anything she needs at any time of the day or night. And, we can talk about wedding plans even more! I am there to help with house “stuff” and moral support for my mom and dad. It is hard to miss things like living with your friends, and it also hard to shave your mom’s hair. Basically, it is hard to watch someone you love fight to live their life. But God has been with us, lifting us up and guiding us through this journey.

I’m happy to say that treatment has gone better than we expected. My mom is here tonight, looking absolutely beautiful, rocking her adorable hat. She has chemo every Tuesday, we go together and stop on the way home for Wendy’s chili. When she was first diagnosed, her cancer count was 1,003. Last week, that same test was done; her count is down to 92.4!! Her treatments are working! She is being healed. Through everything, there are so many others who have helped too. Things like, visits, meals, cards, quilts, gifts, facebook messages, house cleanings, convertible rides and thousands and thousands of prayers. Hope College has been beyond flexible to allow me to take care of myself while caring for my mom. Everyone here can care for someone who is sick. A Hope student even brought us homemade porkchops on her day off. My mom often says, “People are just TOO nice.” There are countless ways for us all to take care of people who are battling cancer.

In my very first blog post I wrote, “She is my role model, best friend, and I can't do life without her. God will work in her and heal her.” I still believe this today. With help from the medical world, this disease CAN go away. With causes like Relay for Life, and research devoted to curing cancer, this disease HAS a better chance to go away. With caregivers who love their patients so much, this disease SHOULD go away. There are so many who deal with cancer, and it isn’t fair, because life shouldn’t be this hard. My mom is a strong woman. And I pray, this disease WILL go away. Thank you.

It was touching to see Mieke deliver this speech.  She turns 21 on Sunday and her dad is proud of her.   She has been a huge help in this entire event.

Say Yes to the Dress

So sorry about the video not working today. Mieke will try and get it to work when she has a minute. Right now she is busy writing a speech she has to present tomorrow night at Hope College's Relay for Life. She was asked to speak on behalf of "care givers". She was honored to be asked, and it fits right in with her life right now. She will be speaking at 9pm at the Dow Center for anyone wanting to come hear her.

We are excited to report that she ordered her wedding dress today. It is beautiful, and she looked stunning in it! It is a big relief to have that decision made. It all worked out so well, because we ended up getting the dress from a store in Grand Rapids, called Bridal Gallery. The owner Judy, is an old friend of mine from the First Christian Reformed Church in Grosse Pointe Park. She was so helpful and it is a comforting feeling knowing you are going to be well taken care of.

So far this week, I have felt OK, just the usual tiredness and queasy stomach. I did not sleep well last night, and had a pain in my "gut" but I am getting pretty used to some kind of a pain or another.

I want to report that my EGD yesterday morning went well, and my ulcers are all healed up! This means that I only have to take Prilosec once a day instead of twice. ( I forgot to take them with supper most days anyways).  No further follow up is needed with my GI doc for now. Thanks Zeeland staff for taking such good care of me, I miss you guys.

Thanks Laurel, my co-worker from the BBC for the wonderful dinner last night. It really hit the spot, sorry you had to come out on such a blustery night. I am glad  you guys had fun making the pillow case dresses for Haiti. I want to try that some time. I love the soap making idea, and I hope to come to Beth's house for that.

I got the cutest card today in the mail, it had a guy with long hair playing the guitar, and three other girls from the 70s looking sad and singing. Inside it says, Deb, Singing the blues since you left! Miss you From Some of my Night Crew friends at Holland Hospital. Thanks so much, of course it made me cry to read all your comments. I miss you guys so much. Maybe Mieke and I can stop by the floor tomorrow night after the Relay for Life.

Rumy playing, "Change My Heart Oh God"

We loved listening to Rumy play this this past Sunday. Played with passion and feeling. We hope you enjoy as well.

Love to all. Mieke

Double Digit Delight...... Chemo Day #10

Dear Friends and Family,

Some of you have already heard on Facebook and I thank you for all the wonderful comments, etc. My CA-125 test went down again from 110 to 92.4   As my friend Deb B. said, from 1003 to a radio station! Another good thing is that the Dr. did not feel the tumors behind my uterus on exam, as he had before, so these are both good signs that the chemo is doing what it is supposed to do, and prayers are being answered. I just about didn't get to have my chemo today because my platelets where down to 91, but the dr. said let's go ahead. I was afraid he would say come back another day. It is normal with weekly chemo to have low platelets, because your bone marrow just doesn't have a chance to rejuvenate.

I found out a few other things which people have asked me about. They will continue to do the Cancer Antigen blood test every 3 wks. It will never get down to 0, but they plan that it will get in the normal range which is below 35.  I will not have a CT scan until Jan. after my 18 wks of chemo is finished. I will also have a chest X-ray to make sure there is no spread to the lungs. At that time, depending on what it shows. If it looks like the cancer has shrunk and they can do more surgery to "debulk" the tumors. They will do it. My Dr. will not say one way or another, the nurse said she thinks there may be a good chance I will have more surgery.  I think mentally I will do better to plan on more surgery, rather than be shocked and disappointed when they tell me it's time to "go in" again.

The plan is then to continue doing the CA-125 test and when it starts going up, that is when they try more chemo drugs. I may have to be on the Avastin drug every 3 wks for the rest of my life. It decreases the blood supply to the tumors. So I feel better now at least knowing a kind of "plan".

Thanks Helen for driving me today, it was a yucky nasty day for driving. Thanks Aunt Margie for coming to visit me there also. Good to catch up.

I have a repeat EGD tomorrow at Zeeland Hospital. I have to be there at 6:45am. They need to recheck my ulcers to make sure they are healed. I didn't really think I needed to have this done, but when I asked my Dr. if he thought it really necessary, he said,"If you want to continue to receive chemo, you will." OK, enough said.

To catch up since I last blogged, I need to thank my wonderful sister-in-laws, Lisseth and Miriam, who came last Sat. and helped clean and worked in my basement, a project that was not getting done on it's own. It was so kind of you to come on your day off!! Thanks for the fall hand towel too Miriam, so cute.

Stan and Mieke have worked hard raking and blowing the leaves to the street. It kills me not to be out there working with them, but I am just too tired and weak. I tried to do the blower for a couple minutes, and it felt like a TON. So I watch from inside and take pictures of them.

Thanks Barb for bringing over the delicious Apple Butter Bread from Crane's Orchard, it is wonderful!! Stan and I are loving the book too.

We had a great day Sunday, enjoyed having Ross and Rumy play at church. Mieke is going to try and download an mp3 recording of some of their playing for those of you in other states or countries and may be curious to hear them. They assure me that things are all set for them to walk at the MSU graduation ceremony on Dec. 9. Can't wait, Two Dr. Hoksbergens.........
We were so happy that Stan's parents were able to attend the service to hear the kids. Shirley got a wheelchair ride from the car and into the service. I know it is not the easiest thing to humble yourself to ride in a wheelchair, but she was a real trooper and knew it best, not to tire herself out walking all the way.

We were blessed to be delivered a wonderful brunch meal by Anne and Ted, so we were able to have everyone over for a great meal after church. Thank you so much, it was so good!! Since I don't have to expend the energy with meals, I took a Vicodin for some abd pain, and we were able to attend the GR Symphony performance that Ross played in at 3pm. It was Disney movies tunes, with 4 singers from Broadway who sang and danced across the stage. Very fun and enjoyable!

Had blood work done on Monday, and then got to have a fun lunch with old grade school friends in Hastings. I did not feel my best that day, but sure was better being with friends then sitting home feeling yucky.

Terri brought a great Chicken Articoke casserole over. I am so glad you included that recipe and article from the magazine. I know that woman on the picture and Pam Molenhouse whose house was featured in the magazine is a friend. I LOVE that dish. I hope you don't mind, I am saving it for a family get together. It is soooo good, thank you so much.

Well, I need to take my Ambien for sleep, I am kind of hyper from the Decadron, . Good night all!!

geriatric confessions

Stan Here:   

It is not always a good sign when I write these things.  Deb has me do some of the writing when she is not feeling all that well but fortunately that is not the case today.  She wanted me to write something about turning 60 yesterday. Two troubling things about 60, one self imposed.  Turns out for some reason I have always thought of 60 as the turning point between young and old.  I am not sure why I had thought of it this way and I am not sure even now that I feel all that different, but anyway the day has come and gone and I feel about the same.  Do you get anything when you are 60? Well, I did have a nice party with my kids at Alden's house. They gave me some nice cards and some really great gifts and mostly we just had a great time.  Thanks Alden and Mary for hosting the nice party.

I get my hair cut at a little place in Zeeland and those guys have been at the trade for a long time.  Every once in a while they have some good insights about life so I asked them what it felt like for them to be past 60.  The one guy said he had never thought about it, but all he knew is that at around 60 hair stops growing on top of your head and it starts coming out your ears and nose.  On the way home I did check the rear view mirror pretty often to see if I could notice anything in these areas.  But, that is the other part of the problem.  I am not sure the eyesight is sharp enough to see even if they were there.  I did get some nice balloons with my name on them, a nice card and a nice personalized cake from our friend Karen and this did make me feel a little better.   Plus a bunch of nice facebook well wishers but that brings up another problem.  When you are 60 you don't always know how to use  facebook so I had the kids help me read and find all the stuff.  I am really not sure what it means when you are supposed to put down that you "liked this" but I can tell you now that I did.   I do know more than when I was 59.  Thanks for all your well wishes and gifts. They meant a lot to me.

Deb here:
I don't mind being married to an "old man". He is the same Stan the Man to me, pretty nice to me. He puts up with a lot from me. I have felt better the past couple of days. I think it's because I made plans to get out of the house. Sitting around only makes me feel sorry for myself and think about the future, which I have no control over. So, I think I do better when I get out of the house, no matter how I feel.

I need to thank my friend Molly who gave us a generous gift certificate to a local restaurant. We were surprised to run into each other at the same wedding reception venue this week, both making plans for our kids upcoming weddings! Happy planning!

I ask you to pray for my sister-in-law Nancy who after many months of tests and seeing different specialists was finally diagnosed with Q-fever, a cousin to Lyme's Disease. She had to have a Pic line put in, needs IV antibiotics for few months and then oral ones for a year. Never heard of that one before. We love you Nancy and we wish you the best.

My co-worker Mary wanted to help me do something around the house, so I said if she was up to it, I would love help organizing my closet. She not only did that, she helped me get my house ready to have all the carpets cleaned. Mary, you are the best! I really appreciate all the help. When the energy level is low, sometimes just having someone there keeping you going at the tasks at hand is great.

Praying for our good friend Dan who had a hip replacement in GR. We wish you the best Dan, and pray for an uneventful recovery. You have a great nurse there in Deb.

Need to thank lots of friends who have stocked our frig and freezer this week. Jeanne, Corrine, Sara, Bonnie and Nancy you guys are too much. I can't thank you enough for thinking of us.

We are looking forward to Ross and Rumy coming again tomorrow evening. We hope to attend the GRS on Sunday afternoon. They are performing a Disney concert.

The fire in going in the fireplace, we are going to rent Water for Elephants on U-Verse. Now we just hope we can both stay awake for the whole movie. Deb

A tough Day

Stan here:
Seems like I always get to write these on days when Deb is not feeling all that well.  Today was one of those days. It was Chemo day #9. Deb did not have a good night of sleep last night and it seems like every other night she has some problems with headaches which kept her awake for a good part of the night.  Mieke took her into her treatments today and I think they had some things planned for afterwords. They got to see Via Design the place were Mary works and they said it is a very cool place. They then had a bowl of soup at some place downtown GR near Mary's work.

This past weekend we attended the funeral for Aaron's grandmother. She died at the age of 90 and they had a nice service in Wayland for her.  She was a very caring person and that came out real nicely in the service.  Even in her declining days she always asked Mieke to tell her all about what was going on with her rather than worry about her problems.  After that Deb and I spent a night up north at our place there.  We do not get to go there as much with all this going on but it was good to spend one night there. Alden joined us for the night and we had a good visit.


Speaking of Mieke we do have one big change to announce.  She decided to make the wedding June 1 rather than the earlier plans for October.  She was worried about friends in school and from long distances being able to come in October.  Originally I think she kind of pictured a wedding in the fall colors but as we explored that thought we figured it would be to iffy with the weather.  So June 1 it will be. Plans are being made.

 We do have some people to thank.  Tracy invited our family to a restaurant called The Biscuit which she owns, for a meal on her.  We are looking forward to that.  Monday Deb's friend Ellen brought over a nice meal and they had a nice visit.  Thanks to nurse Karen who made a home visit in her cowgirl costume, complete with the horse to deliver a Halloween treat.  Last night we had one of the larger Halloween crowds that I have ever seen. Kind of fun though. It seemed like we had a bunch of really cute small kids and even though Deb was not feeling all that well she could make it to the door to see all the action of the neat costumes. 

Deb's friend Vickie came over to check on her today and offer any support she needed. Thanks Vickie for you concern.

Kind of wish I had some good new on how Deb feels but that is not the case today.  Until next time thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. 

A Fun Fall Day

Stan Here:

I just returned from a 2 day trip to Youngstown, Ohio learning some things about a new product we are selling. Instead of air compressors we learned about vacuum pumps.  These things are used in many industrial applications and for me it is harder.  Some of the math is harder than the other stuff we handle. Now that we have that exciting news out of the way let me tell you I returned home to what seemed to me a better health situation than when I left.

It seemed to me that the last week was hard on Deb. She had some problems with headaches in the night and some problems with just not feeling well during the days.  But now she looks better and says she feels better.  She had a nice bunch of friends and family around last night and when I called it sounded like they were having a good time.  Deb, Laurie, Jackie and Mieke spent some time and I am sure they talked about the wedding.  (Just a guess)  Given the recent loss of our long time Yorkie we had a nice offer come in today.   Pete and Sally have a 5 year old Yorkie and with some plans to travel they offered it to us.  I think what we will do is offer to take care of it when they want to travel. We do kind of miss Spencer but we also may want to not be tied down with dog arrangements.  It will be nice again though to have a dog around again. We were pretty used to it.  That is such a nice offer!

We are looking forward to seeing Alden do a beer and wine tasting tomorrow night. He does a great job, and we are so proud of him.

What happened to my taste buds??

I want you to meet Leigh and Tara. They are the two wonderful nurses who administer my chemo every week. They are great and so efficient at what they do. I look forward to seeing them every week. We really do have some fun times there. Here is a look at the room with the 8 recliners I spend lots of time in:

I had a good day today, other than the metallic taste is really getting constant. Food is just not tasting the same these days.

I attended a meeting with my PEO sisters today. We learned about PET MI-Holland.  PET stands for Personal Energy Transportation. They are special wheelchairs for children without use of feet or legs in the third world. It was so interesting to learn about this great organization. Please ask me if you want to know more, or google it to read more about these great devices.

You are not going to find a more generous or giving group of woman than my PEO sisters. A big thank you to Marty and Karen for their chix soup, pie and muffins. Karen, I am praying for you and hope you get some answers soon. Karol, thanks for your enchiladas, dumplings and cider. So fun talking "weddings". Looking forward to Friday night. Ann, you are such a wonderful mentor to students, thanks for your cherry gift box. We will really enjoy it! 

Lynn, your gift to Mieke is so kind. She will have so much fun with her new surger. We found out that there is another "Mieke Joy" in this world. She was born to my second cousin in Lynden, WA. Congrats Jon and Shelly!

Chemo Day #8

Hi, It's been a while since I blogged. I will try and catch you up with what I have been up to since last Friday. Had a fun lunch with church friends on Friday. We started that stitching group when Alden started Kindergarten, so that was 23 yrs. ago. Where has the time gone?

We had a wonderful time with my family in Plymouth. The performance of Carmina Burana was amazing. It is usually performed with just singers and orchestra. This performance also added action and dance and it featured incredible acrobats who have performed with Cirque du Soleil. We loved it!! Almost took your breath away the final act. Thanks again Jim and Nancy for your hospitality.

We celebrated my Father-in-laws birthday Sat. night with a great meal and all the siblings there. Stan's Mom is looking and doing better. Keep it up Shirley, we need you to keep making those crafts.

I did have kind of a rough week after my big round of chemo, headaches and felt pretty tired this weekend. I had what my chemo nurse calls a "jama" day Sunday. Never got dressed. She told me that was OK. I got some reading done, watched a movie, watched some travelogue movies, didn't move much off the couch.

Chemo went well today, only there 2 1/4 hrs. The shortest time yet. Thanks Jodi for taking me. We'll miss you this winter while you are in Florida. My fellow chemo patient Tammie came over with her IV pole today, made me stand up and taught me how to do the "happy dance". Both of our CA-125 counts were better!! Thanks for your inspiration Tammie.  My white blood counts were up a bit too, which is good. I think this is a direct result of all the candles and prayers that were said for me throughout Europe. I happen to have some good friends who emailed me that they were lighting candles in all the cathedrals in Italy they went to, and then I got a note from a dear friend, who has been traveling for a month in Barcelona, Vienna, London and she also said that she and her husband offered a prayer in all those towns. Thanks Karen and Chuck and Anne and Ted, so kind of you.

Need to thank Linda for the great dinner Sunday, Susan for the pumpkins muffins and being such a great mentor for Mieke. Lori your carmel cake was to die for, thanks for your calls and concern.

Brandi, thanks for your meal, so kind of you to care for me when I know you are busy with four little ones of your own. I love your method of keeping the kids happy in the van with movies and blankets while you deliver the food. You are teaching those kids by example.

Naomi, so good to catch up with you again. Congrats on your marriage. He is a lucky guy. Thanks for the tulips and the goodies.

Jodi, thanks for the Wild Chef night out, so generous of you. Have to thank my sister Krista for the S & P gift certificate and thanks to your church in Tulsa for sending me all those CD's of their church choir. I will love listening to them!

We are having fun with some early wedding plans. Please know that the date is Oct.13, 2012 here in Holland. Of course Mieke wants everyone in town to come. She and Aaron were supposed to have some engagement pictures taken yesterday, but he got a black eye in a rugby match. We are kidding him, that he didn't have to go to such extremes to not have his picture taken.

I have been celebrating all week the wonderful news that the chemo must be working. Thanks for all your kind words regarding that and for the care and concern over Spencer. We are still sad and we miss him terribly, but it is getting easier every day.

Our sympathy goes out to Aaron's family today. His Grandma, who was 90 yrs old. passed away today. Laurie and Conrad and your whole family, please know that we are thinking about you all and praying for you. She was a true matriarch and will be deeply missed. The funeral will be on Sat. and we are looking forward to meeting Aaron's relatives coming in from Texas and Colorado. Safe travels everyone.

Just want you all to know that if you made warm things for my feet, I am wearing them, if you gave me hats for my bald head, I am using them, if you gave me books to read, I am reading them, if  you gave us food to eat, we are eating it. It you gave me prayer shawls, quilts, blankets or stuffed toys to snuggle with, I am doing that too. All your expressions of love and concern have been so humbling I don't know what to say, other than thank you so much. It is what keeps me going, staying positive and ready to beat this cancer!! Deb

Goodbye Spencer.....

We changed our blog picture because we want you all to see our precious little Yorkie Spencer. We had him put to sleep this am. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. He was almost 14 yrs old. He was the best dog we could ever have wanted. We buried him in our backyard in a shoebox that Mieke had decorated in 3rd grade as a time capsule that she opened when she graduated as a senior in high school. We thought it was appropriate because Spencer was really her dog. We wrapped him up in a special velor cheetah blanket that was make by Jackie. He used to sleep on it. We also put in a few of his favorite treats, and a chewy rawhide. We decided to take off his collar and his Halloween scarf to keep. I used to think people were crazy when they got so upset when their pet died. But, that was before I had gone through it myself.  Mieke and I have got sore eyes and headaches now, but we will be OK. Thanks for all the kind words on emails and Facebook.

Tomorrow Stan and I are going to Detroit to attend a performance of Carmina Burana at the Detroit Opera House. My wonderful "little" brother Jim bought tickets for us all to attend it when he first heard it was coming to town. He knew it was my favorite because I played the piano with my high school choir and Ann Arbor Pioneer HS choir along with both schools orchestras at Hill Auditorium in Ann Arbor. It has always brought back such fond memories and I thank you Jim from the bottom of my heart. I need something to look forward to after this day.

Dinner was brought over by my friend Deb S. who along with her husband organizes the mission trips to Honduras that Mieke and I have gone on. They are very special people and those trips were life changing for us. I still would like to go on one again..........

Thanks to my friend from church Barb who just delivered the book "King's Cross" by Timothy Keller. It says it is the story of the world in The Life of Jesus. I can't wait to read it, thanks so much Barb.

Jill and Candy are taking me to lunch tomorrow at Salt and Pepper, so nice.......Hopefully the tears will stop by then. Thanks for letting me vent. Deb



Hi everyone, it's Mieke. Yes, as my mom said, it has been a very hard day. I don't think I have ever done anything that difficult in my life. The whole family is really broken up about Spencer not being here anymore. I keep looking at the floor and wishing he was lying at our feet like he always did. He was very loved. The kind of dog who rode in a "pooch pouch" on my dad's chest all the way to the beach and back every week or so. The kind of dog who made everyone laugh with his signature "bang" trick. He made us smile every single day. My mom would always ask him "Spence, why are you so cute?" Grandpa V. always said "Good little puppy....that's a good little puppy" as Spencer lay for hours in his lap. I came into my house every day looking forward to my little puppy greeting. Last night I came in from church and he ran right up to me. First time he has done that in a long time, I think he knew I need a little extra love. Many of you know that Spencer's tongue always stuck out of his mouth just a little, today we rode to the vet, cozy on his back, tongue out and fell asleep the entire ride. I think he was ready to go, but that doesn't make this any easier. Thanks for all the kind things you have said, it has made us feel better through all of this. Goodbye puppy, I still can't believe that you are gone.

On a happy note, we want to celebrate with our nephew Kayle and his wife Angie on the birth of their baby Caleb yesterday. They live in Seattle. We are so thrilled for you guys and can't wait to meet him. 

Tiger Koala Bear

Our new header picture is Stan and I with our friends Vickie from Australia, she and her husband do cancer research in Sidney, Jimmy from Caledonia, and their mom Linda from California with my new Build-A-Bear Koala! I'm sure if I had him for the last game, the Tigers would have won!  It was a fun year. We don't know what to do with ourselves now without the games to watch.


I have a few other people to thank. My friend Jackie's niece was kind enough to knit me an Infinity scarf. Thanks so much Sarah, that was very kind of you. I love it, and may even try my hand at making one. Thanks for the pattern.


I have a few thank you's to do. Dave brought lots of gifts from Virginia, a Down Under hanging potted clay pot, a Christian CD Of Iris Dement, a potted plant and some garden produce. So kind of you Dave. I think you left a book here, I will mail it to you.



Thanks Linda for the little pumpkin with the flowers in it, I thought the "pumpkin fairy" had been here. I wish I could have attended the activity at Beechwood.

 Deb from church, a cancer survivor and an inspiration to me was kind enough to give me a bag full of great stuff. A Kickin' cancer cup, Queasy Drops (the natural way to ease a queasy stomach) just what I need, and a Christmas ornament which says  A Season of Hope...a prayer for a cure 2011. So sweet of you, and thanks for the info about the free wigs from the American Cancer Society. Hopefully everyone reading this knows about this. I got two free ones on loan, all you have to do is return them when I'm done!

Wendal and Carolyn, your bran muffins really hit the spot. So kind of you. Thanks for the prayers.

Thanks Nancy for the awesome dinner tonight. Ribs are Stan's very favorite, that is what he always orders at restaurants. Everything was wonderful! and so nice to come home to after a long day at chemo. Wish you the best in your daughter's wedding planning.

My neighbor Will was kind enough to bring over a pumpkin pie tonight and stayed to visit for a little while. So good to see you and catch up with you and hear what your family is up to.

A very special package arrived in the mail today. Stan and I sat with a great group of woman last Friday at Grandmare's funeral luncheon. They were good friend's of Mary's mom Meg. One woman had a daughter die at a young age of breast cancer, other of them offered to pray for us, and one woman Norma was kind enough to send me a book "Praying Through Cancer" a 90 Day Devotional for Women, written by women who have faced cancer and, with triumphant spirits, found comfort and sometimes even joy in the midst of it.  I can't wait to start reading it every day. She also sent me a CD called "More Jesus".  It was made by a church near Traverse City, MI. These things are so special, and I am so thankful I met you. Lot's of people, (including me) may say they will send something, but I am so impressed when people really do it!   I have found joy in the midst of this journey. Let me try to explain how.
      A portion of my devotional from Oct 16 in "Jesus Calling" said "When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in My arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it."

Many of you have said you have found some measure of inspiration from these blogs. This is the joy and comfort I am finding. Thanks for all the notes today sharing in our good news of the greatly lowered blood test!!  Your prayers are working and I am so happy. Deb