Thinking, a little too much. (from mieke)

Well, my parents have been up north for a couple of days, which has left me a lot of time to think. Think about my life, my mom's and all of our lives together. How quickly life can change. This journey is just starting and I have already learned a lot about life. Things that you sort of hope you will never have to learn, but also make you a better person because you know them.

A couple things that stick out...
People really care. Everyone I know has been unbelievably kind/generous/supportive through all of this new news. I wasn't overly emotional last week (besides when we first found out) and had a good peace about everything throughout the week because everywhere I went there was someone to give a hug. People who care for her, people who care for me. Cards poor in daily for my mom and I am overwhelmed by people who say they are praying hard for our family. Thank you for that.

I count on my mom for a lot. A lot more than I thought. I'm not sure if people know this, but my mom is literally there for me...no matter what. I know that after a long day she will be at home, waiting to talk it out, give me a glass of fruit punch crystal light and sit on the back porch. When I bring home some crazy dented up garage sale find that I want to cover in orange paint, she pulls out the brushes and sits in a lawn chair in the driveway to watch. When I want to take 5 young children to the Ottawa County Fair for the entire day in 80 degree heat she straps on her fanny pack and remembers to bring a water bottle. These sort of things (that happen multiple times a day) are so easy to overlook. We do stuff together all the time that is a little outlandish, and a little crazy and I love that about her. I can't do it without her. When that person in your life is diagnosed with cancer, you think a little more about each time they come through for you.

Being a nurse through all of this is a good thing. Maybe it has made some of you laugh, reading her posts about the surgery and things to come. She is so "medical" about it all, forgetting the "wow this is REALLY going to be hard" part. She called me the other night while reading up on her surgery. It sounds so extensive and terrifying to tell the truth. She named so many different drainage ports and cutting and sewing locations that I started to cry just thinking about it. Does she complain or act scared? Not really. Just ready to get it started and get this cancer out of her body. A strength that I don't think I could ever have.

She is always up for doing anything (kind of like her dad). I reminded her that Holland sidewalk sales are coming up this weekend. She got excited for a second until she realized her surgery is this Friday and indeed, that would hinder our ability to hunt for hot deals under tents on 8th street. Her next comment describes her pretty well... "Oh well, we could probably just go on Friday before my surgery...."

I ate lunch at DeBoer yesterday with my friends. I was fine all day until my mind got caught up thinking about how much I love my mom. I tried to keep my mind off of "it" and have a good time. My phone rang and the screen said "Mom" and I picked up to her saying "Hey Miek" I imagined not having my phone ring and say "Mom" every day anymore. I know I shouldn't think like that, but don't tell me it is possible not to. I chatted with her quick and hung up. Tears came quick as I sat thinking about her. I love her. A lot. So, my phone has to say "Mom" for many many years until my hair is gray and my kids can have their phones say "Grandma" and hear "Hey ____ (insert future child name here)"

love, Mieke